**Sigh**

asleep and dreaming...

 

 

 

I woke up a little ago with every intention of getting up, going to the bank, going tanning…and thus far none of that has happened.  Ive sat here on my laptop drinking a cup of hazelnut coffee, trying to motivate myself enough to at least get my lazy ass off of the couch and straighten up the house which has been a disaster for the past two days…  I really should considering my fiancee has been at work since 6am, meaning she had to leave the house at 5, meaning she had to wake up around 4…and i dont have to be at work until 3pm…i dont want her to have to come home and start cleaning however i cant seem to make myself move.

Maybe its because im thinking too much…maybe its because i havent been able to motivate myself in about 2 months…maybe its because im crazy….maybe its because i drink too much…maybe its because im lazy…and then again maybe its because i know im off tomorrow and i know i can just do it then. 

Maybe i need a vacation. 

I love living in Lawrencville but latley i feel like all my condo is good for is sucking the life out me…and the moisture out of me (i think from having the heat on its making me extra dry).  I was sooo excited to move out…i was going to clean and vaccume daily, start running again, decorate my house and do fun little household projects bought from Michaels, start cooking…

So far i have yet to really jump on that bandwagon and ive been here for about 6 months.  I think i held my expectations too high.  I mean realistically, for me, going ahead and doing all of those things would be a major life change.  When i lived at my parents house i guess i was a little more motivated because A. In the winter my parents kept the house at a frigid 55 degrees…i would wake up with little icicles in my nose and mouth…and…B. I would do anything to not be in the house with my annoying parents which resulted in me going out and partying my ass off everynight.  Which, now that im not doing all that made me gain weight, because im not out dancing off all the food i ate during the day at night and made me lazier, because now i can sit in my warm condo all day and night with my two cats and not be bothered.

But i want to change my life.  I want to change my bad habits.  I want to get motiavted to run everyday or at least walk and go tanning all the time like i used to and feel good about myself and do things that will make me feel good…but i CANT.  Im stuck in this funk.  Its very annoying.  So until i can rip myself out of it, im stuck here, lazy and bloated on my couch, usually with a bottle of wine…

 

**sigh**